The Gift of Having Friends in the Trenches

One of the strange blessings of being one of the first online pastors was that there were no books to read. There were no conferences either. So I emailed churches my size and asked questions. Those blind emails connected me to some of the largest churches in the world, and I found out something surprising. They wanted someone to talk shop with too. They were just as curious about what we were doing.

Talking to a church your size is like two guys who are almost forty comparing notes on how long it takes to recover from a workout now. There is something comforting about hearing that someone else feels it too. It gets lonely when you have no one to ask. Friends in the same age and stage make the whole thing easier to navigate. Leading a church works the same way. It always helps to have someone to call who has been your size and has stood where you are standing.

One of the churches at this private event was bigger than ours and had walked through a senior leadership transition in the last five years. That was catnip for my curious mind. I had questions about what they changed and what they left alone. I asked about structure. I asked how they define success now. I poked at what life looked like right after their senior leader left and what it looks like today. I was trying to soak up everything I could, and guess what? They were asking me the same questions. They were just as curious about my church. They needed a friend too.

Shocking, I know :) Friendship is a biblical principle, and it matters for leading at a church.

So here is my point. If you do not know anyone at a church your size or a few steps ahead of you, start emailing. Do not live in the trench alone. Go find the people who are already in it.

People like to say megachurches operate like businesses. We do function like one at times. But if my fellow megachurches were really my competitors, you would be shocked at how freely we hand each other our trade secrets. We are not in this for personal profit. We are in it to grow the kingdom of God. We will share anything and everything because we want everyone to succeed.

I love my friends in the trenches. I hope you have a few of your own. It is cheaper than therapy, too.